When comics fail...

Archie, 8/18/08:


Wow, well done Archie. You've managed to note an event. I can't wait for the rest of this week's thrilling installments. Maybe we'll get "Did you get a car wash?" or maybe that old laugh-fest "I don't remember a tree being there. Oh well."

Herb and Jamaal, 8/18/08:


It's adorable how easily unpinned her faith will become upon the most basic of enlightenment. That or she will begin to worship basic folding patterns. Either would make for a pretty good week of strips.

The Phantom, 8/18/08:


Wow. I think this might actually be the least amount of action in any soap strip, as there's no dialog and the establishing shot is of two unexciting ships. Well done, Phantom. You've raised the bar for unexciting ways to start the week.

Seriously I Want a Spin-Off

The Phantom, 7/31/08:
Dang! Check out the "Whump" on Wrench-Man. That's a super-hero I can get behind. The Phantom has become the Rob Schneider to his Sylvester Stallone, all wanting him to take the wimpy, sneaky approach. Pssh, save your tactics for those who need them; Wrench-Man has all the wrench he needs. You know who else announces his wrath, Phantom? God. Trying to say you know better than God, hmm? And I thought you were a family strip.

Also, is it just me or is that wrench actually growing? Maybe its power grows with each villain/thug/jaywalker/unfortunately located innocent that it takes down. Soon he'll be more wrench than man!

Why we need new heroes

The Phantom, 7/30/08:

Why is the Phantom so disparaging of this plan? I'm pretty sure his normally consist of attempting to scare the villains by use of smoke, then shooting them and having some friends shoot them. The only difference here is that instead of some lame friends, he's got a crazy dude with a 30-lb wrench. Truthfully, this seems like a way better plan -- who's scarier, a dude in purple tights and a mask, or a crazy dude screaming at you while swinging a wrench longer than your arm? I think this strip should just be given to crazy dude w/a wrench, or at least have a spin-off.

The Amazing Spider-Man, 7/30/08:
Wow, Spider-Man. You never fail to amaze. You hit your head while falling on the ground as you pathetically avoided protecting an old man from another old man? Wow, you are very deserving of the title superhero, as you clearly outperform normal heroes on a daily basis.

Guys, just leave the heroics to the dudes with 30-lb wrenches.

Did I miss a series of memos?

Bit of info: The Phantom has met up w/a "crazed" vigilante on the vigilante's oil rig and is now off to fight crime with him or some such nonsense. That's the gist, I think.

The Phantom 7/23/08:


Since when did the world give the go-ahead to the lamest aspects of society to start cracking-wise in regard to 9/11 and related acts of terrorism? I expect this from comedians, from comedies making racial jokes, sure sure, but The Phantom? Is Spider-Man going to be offered an emergency blood transfusion from a shady source and comment "Getting a blood transfusion from a less-than reliable source? I vote for not getting AIDS!"? Will Dick Tracy wish an underground abortion on a particularly heinous villain? How does the Phantom, one of the lamest even among these examples, get to do this?

Besides, everyone knows legacy strips can't reference things that aren't at least 10 years in the past -- he's got 3 more years before this is reasonable. And then only in the form of a tribute strip.

And as another aside -- where does the Phantom get off calling this guy crazy? This man with a stable operation and connections with local and international crime agencies, positioned in international waters in order to semi-legally uphold his vigilante lifestyle, is just impossibly crazier than the dude in the mask and purple tights who drags his wife along with him? I think the Phantom's just got oil rig envy.